Magic Weapon History Tables

In honour of Glamdring and Orcrist, two of my favourite characters in The Hobbit. To be used when identifying magic weapons, for a more interesting result than just "this is a +1 sword",  also potentially providing future plot hooks. In my game, I plan to have identification be performed by sages, long-lived elves, dead spirits, ancient golems and other NPCs who are likely to know the history of such things.

1. The Weapon's Name
1. Providence
2. Calamity
3. Eye-Gouger
4. Freerazor
5. Heartsblood
6. Cruelty
7. Usurper
8. Grass-Cutter
9. Gut-Render
10. Limb-Eater
11. Freedom
12. Pallbearer
13. Thrice
14. Dreamer
15. Marrow-Dancer
16. Clamour
17. Fang-Breaker
18. Thunderhead
19. Guts
20. Antechamber
21. Cumulonimbus
22. Final Destination
23. White Out
24. Potato
25. Cigar
26. Hot Tramp
27. Spiderface
28. Real Horror Show
29. Adam Kadmon
30. Crying Game

1a. Paired Weapons
1. Sunlight & Moonshadow
2. Frenzy & Contemplation
3. Northbite & Southfang
4. Terror & Misery
5. Wolf & Polecat
6. Pox & Malefice
7. Liver & Lung
8. Youth & Beauty
9. Seizure & Fugue
10. Drunkard & Hierophant
11. Rib-Chewer & Sphincter's Worm
12. Death By Drowning & Life Behind Bars

2. Its' Former Owner
1. Drouse, a dwarf lord whose bloodline vanished under mysterious circumstances
2. Rhiatha, a princess renowned as a master tactician
3. Tanith of Llor, a prince exiled for terrible crimes
4. Bloody Rose Kenneck, the pirate king's daughter
5. The Boudixhain, ten generations of warrior-queens
6. The Farnoes, three squabbling brothers
7. Croab, the shaman of the renowned Golgangr Orcs
8. Manos, a notorious bandit operating out of an abandoned keep
9. Tremulere, an elvish king who fell in love with a human
10. Homon, a monk who was spontaneously enlightened with a new form of weapon arts
11. Vernoth, a weaponsmith who would not let his creations be given to anyone else
12. Memodes, a ghost who guarded a remote tower
13. Tryvarg, a viking seacaptain
14. Qalloq, a paladin from a distant land who died without ever returning home
15. The Blue Company, an anarcho-syndicalist mercenary band who shared their weapons equally
16. Prelemor, a fat judge who was proud to hang the weapon on his wall and never use it
17. Sturga, a widely loathed inquisitor for a violent regime
18. Chasmesis, a spirit who possessed the weapon for a time before moving on
19. Knobbs, a greasy peasant who found the weapon by accident
20. Freya and Frenka, weapon-juggling ninja sisters extraordinaire
21. Rathus, a mighty warrior who either died or ascended to another plane of existence
22. Gharl III, undead king of the lowlands
23. Asppago, ancient emperor of the serpent-men
24. The Fighting Norns, who shared one eye, one tooth and one blade between them
25. Theliel, an angel of vengeance sent to smite a wicked king
26. Sebekim, a wandering golem created along with the weapon
27. Atropos, a silver dragon whose hoard consisted exclusively of weapons
28. Caulbach, a legendary assassin who possessed ninety-nine weapons that he referred to as his 'wives'
29. Yrvander, a sentient mountain - what it was doing with a human-sized weapon is a mystery
30. Satan

3. Its' Past Deeds
1. Shattered the gates of a besieged city
2. Slaughtered dozens of orphans
3. Lay dormant in an enchanted pool for decades
4. Shattered a much older and more valuable magic weapon
5. Assassinated a bridegroom on his wedding day
6. Destroyed a bridge, turning the tide of a battle
7. Wielded in the last great war fought by the owner's people
8. Tempered in the blood of a dragon
9. Concealed by refugees when their city was sacked
10. Slew the last member of a now-extinct race
11. Sacrificed victims to a dark god
12. Lopped the left head of the Great Ettin, which turned out to be the voice-of-reason head
13. Broke the first chains of a slave uprising
14. Used to execute the King of Thieves
15. Used to carve out a new barony in the depths of the wilds
16. Associated symbolically with a certain city
17. Buried with a knight who later emerged from his tomb
18. Blessed by a saint just before she left this world
19. Was married to a sentient sword to sate the sword's steely lust
20. Turned upon its owner and devoured his/her soul
21. Transformed into a fair maiden and then back again
22. Wandered the land on its own two feet
23. Slew one member of the toughest class of monsters in the campaign world (dragons, mecha, sorcerer-kings - depends on your setting)
24. Cut off the hair or fingernail of a god, which became a powerful relic in its own right
25. Arrived in this world from a parallel timeline
26. Thrust into a dimensional breach to seal an eldritch abomination
27. Divided into over a dozen copies due to time shenanigans
28. Cut the chain that held the moon to the earth
29. Cut off the eighth syllable of the second line of the haiku
30. Smote a hole in the fabric of reality

4. Where It Was Last Seen
1. Stolen by goblins
2. Fell into a river
3. Lost in a storeroom of a collapsed keep
4. Teleported away to a random location
5. Lost in a battle
6. Hidden by the owner, who died before retrieving it
7. Traded to the faeries in exchange for a lost hour
8. Passed on to an heir of staunchly unadventurous character
9. Pilfered by a burglar
10. Paid in tribute to a giant king
11. Swallowed by a whale
12. Buried in the flesh of a beast that later escaped
13. Sealed inside a pillar of a new building
14. Hurled into a volcano
15. Taken away across the sea by a fading race
16. Deliberately dropped into the ocean
17. Absorbed into a gelatinous cube
18. Buried under a collapsing mountain
19. Sealed in a temple that was never to be opened again
20. Destroyed utterly, but prophesied to return
21. Dropped into a crack that opens on the Underworld
22. Carried away by a flight of ravens
23. Lost in the frozen wastes of the south pole
24. Turned to stone along with its owner
25. Dropped through a crack between dimensions
26. Lost in outer space
27. Sent back in time
28. Taken by a unicorn to replace its horn
29. Sacrificed to a dark oracle
30. Carried away by angels

(Note: I'm trying a new thing here where each table gets more gonzo as it goes on, roughly divided into groups of 10, so you can roll a d10, a d20 or a d30 depending on how much variety you want. Or if you only want gonzo stuff you can roll d10+20 or whatever. In this case, higher numbers also generally correlate to more powerful magic weapons.)

(Note #2: Some entries provided by the inestimable Shoe Skogen.)