Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Ku Klux Klansmen

Through the diligent efforts of posters on, it has recently been discovered that killing orcs in D&D is racist. Fortunately, I have created a new evil humanoid race that nobody will ever have to feel guilty about killing: the Ku Klux Klan.

No. appearing: 20-200
AC: 15 (LotFP)
Move: 120'
Hit dice: 1
Attacks: 1
Damage: 1d6 or by weapon
Special: spellcasting (Kludds only)

Ku Klux Klansmen are mysterious humanoids who cover themselves in white robes with pointed hats. They are fiercely xenophobic and hate any intelligent creatures besides their own race. The robes are worn to prevent anyone knowing what they look like, for fear that they will be infiltrated by doppelgangers. When they die, their bodies shrivel up and turn to dust, preserving the secret of their appearance.

The racial hatred of the Klansmen is such that they will fight against ogres, giants, goblins, demons and anything else that is not them. Some particularly dedicated Klansmen even extend this hatred to unintelligent animals, and can often be found wandering the forest in a fury, shooting at squirrels and stamping on ladybugs. Other Klansmen are more lax on this point and are willing to ride horses provided that the horses have their own Klan robes.

Ku Klux Klansmen have a byzantine social order including dozens of different titles, most of them irrelevant. A den of Klansmen is called a Klavern, while the keeper of the den's treasure is known as the Klabee. 1 in 20 Klansmen is likely to be a Kludd, an evil Cleric of 1st-4th level, who follows a holy book of asemic writing known as the Kloran. The Kludds preside over obscure religious rituals involving burning crucifixes, known as Klonvokations. It is rumoured that all Klansmen are united in a league they call the Invisible Empire, which is presided over by their dark lord the Imperial Wizard. There is also supposedly an insane judiciary body called the Grand Council of Yahoos, which metes out bizarre justice within the Klan itself.

Klansman language is unusual in that it is similar to Common except that it consists entirely of acronyms. For example, the word SANBOG stands for "Strangers Are Near; Be On Guard". However, humans attempting to impersonate the Klan language will miss the crucial nuances which distinguish the former from an entirely different sentence (i.e. "Sorry, A Naga's Boiling Our Guts").

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